Mutterings of a Fool

Man, Dad, Runner, Chief dog walker

Boys are disgusting

As both a man and a dad to sons I feel I am extremely qualified to say this; boys are disgusting. Disgusting and willy obsessed. I feel like I should know this already given that I was a boy myself at some point in the distant past but it still comes as a surprise seeing your 1 year old laughing as he plays with his willy.

I seem to remember Henry being a similar age when he realised that he could grab his willy whenever his nappy was off and it felt quite nice/funny to play with. Now we’re regularly find Rupert sat in the bath taking a break from attempting to cover the whole floor with water and instead having a little play. Clearly there is some basic male human instinct that tells us playing with our willies is a good thing, I’d love to know if boys 100 or 200 years ago were the same, or were they too busy working in factories or helping fight wars?

I had assumed boys and their willies would be an issue in the teenage years but it seems not. Last week I found Henry stood in the kitchen with his hands down his trousers. I told him to stop playing with his willy and his response was ‘I’m not playing with my willy I’m playing with my testes’, not really much you can say to that is there? (we’ve gone with a formal term because quite honestly ‘balls’ just sounds a bit disgusting).

Butter wouldn't melt right?

Butter wouldn’t melt right?

With 2 boys in the house this is only going to get worse isn’t it? Matilda is already perfecting her eye rolling whenever Henry does disgusting boy things, she’s going to be horrified as a teenager having these 2 Herbert’s running around laughing at farts. I love how this mirrors my own family though, my sister is also the oldest just like Matilda but she had 4 younger brothers to deal with not 2 (boy genes are strong in my family, I also have 3 nephews!). It’ll be interesting to see how the dynamic between Matilda, Henry and Rupert changes once Rupert is walking and talking. Right now Matilda rules the roost but I can see that changing with Henry and Rupert teaming up to get their way.

What we are most definitely not doing though is having a 4th child to try to balance things up, something which the lady of the manor has started to suggest recently without any hint of humour. Crazy woman. Even without having spent the past year not getting any sleep I wouldn’t want a 4th, 3 is quite enough for me and I really couldn’t face going back to newborn baby stage again.

If you’ve got boys what other disgusting things have I got to look forward to?


  1. Ah Ben, Ben Ben Ben. I have a 12 year old. I’ve been through the willy years. The very embarrassing willy years “MUM! there’s a bone in my willy! Does dad have a bone in his willy?”
    I’m not going to share any of the other boy monstrosities you have to come because it’s a journey. And also I went through it blind so you bloody well can too.
    Enjoy x

  2. My 2 year old son once managed to run off during one of his post shower ‘nudie runs’ and purposely pee on the carpet in our room. It wasn’t random, it was not accidental. It was totally premeditated and he gave me this devilish grin once I clued onto what he was doing! He also loves to play with his dangle in the shower and would probably stay in the for hours if we let him!

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