Mutterings of a Fool

Man, Dad, Runner, Chief dog walker

10 things parenting books don’t tell you about toddlers

Matilda is now the grand old age of 21 months and I have to say I think the age she is right now is the most fun of the whole time. She’s this little walking, talking, laughing, crazy little girl who quite honestly cracks me up. But I have noticed one or two things that those so called parenting books don’t tell you about.

So in time honoured fashion here’s my top 10 things parenting books don’t tell you about toddlers:

  1. Any time you get undressed in front of them they will stop whatever it is that they’re doing and point at you shouting WILLY. Precisely why I have yet to take her swimming.
  2. They will learn to say the name of your dog perfectly long before they will ever say mummy or daddy.
  3. Somehow they develop pickpocket skills to rival the artful dodger and before you know it your phone has disappeared and sticky fingers are trying to unlock it.
  4. Running away when naked is hilarious, the only thing funnier is doing a wee while you run.
  5. Cheese is a suitable addition to any meal no matter the time of day.
  6. You may well put them in their cot fully clothed in a zipped up Grobag, but they can take off all their clothes and throw them on the floor without seemingly unzipping the Grobag (or at least doing it back up again).
  7. Farts are the 2nd funniest thing ever to a toddler (see point 4), although daddy may have had a hand in this one
  8. They have more and cooler clothes than you, your only hope of being fashionable is to wear something long enough that it comes back in fashion. They on the other hand are always wearing the latest seasons styles. One look at Matilda’s selection of knitwear will tell you that.
  9. If you think you’ve put something high enough that they can’t reach it then put it another metre higher. Those little hands get everywhere.
  10. To finish potentially the most important of them all, despite what you think a toddler is very much in control. You may have grand plans and parenting ideas but you will end up doing what they want. Mind games to defeat even Derren Brown.

But despite this they are rather cute aren’t they?


  1. This cracked me up, so true!

  2. All so true! I love that age too, still so innocent and they come out with the funniest things!

  3. Nathaniel would definitely agree with cheese (he’d eat it all day if possible), naked running away (especially before bath time, including the pee after sitting on the potty), and as for the arm reach. Unbelievable, especially when combined with dragging chairs over to stand on

  4. Oh yes, so true. But, get over point 1 mate – don’t let something stupid spoil going swimming with your girl. Embrace it and treat it as a laugh – it’s only a willy 🙂

  5. Ha this had me giggling away! All so true.

  6. so very true….all of them. My toddlers are like squirrels and will ‘borrow’ things and put them in assorted little hand bags and hide them round the house. Usually things like my keys, phone and other important stuff!

  7. sabrina montagnoli

    January 29, 2013 at 1:05 am

    They are sooooo lucky they are cute!

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