Mutterings of a Fool

Man, Dad, Runner, Chief dog walker

Brokeback dad

It’s 11.30pm on Monday night and I’m lying on the lounge floor trying not to move and debating whether to have a drink of water, knowing that if I do then the trip to the toilet will come sooner rather than later.

Then I begin surveying the pint glass I’m drinking out of, perhaps I can use that instead of going to the toilet? Anything to avoid having to move, let alone try to stand up.

But no, I NEED to go to the toilet and knowing how long it will take to get there, I need to go NOW. So it begins, the slow and tortuous crawl from the lounge through the dining room and kitchen to the toilet. The dog watching me the whole way with a look to say ‘has he gone mental or what?’.

It takes 5 minutes to make the trip of no more than 30 metres,  5 minutes of puffing, panting, moans and groans. But the worst is yet to come. Now I need to somehow get off the floor and onto the toilet. Arms on the toilet seat, gradually lift one leg off the floor and slowly push up. Hands quickly grab the radiator and I’m up. A bit of swaying, a little breather and I’m ready to try lowering back down again. A considerable amount of pain later I’m done and begin the process in reverse to get back to my spot on the lounge floor.

And this is pretty much how I spent the 24 hours after putting my back out on Monday evening. Disappointingly no alcohol or sex involved in obtaining the injury, but rather what turned out to be the very dangerous activity of playing with the dog. I’ve never known pain like it, shooting through my back with one wrong movement or another spasm from holding a position too long. The strongest pain killers available off the shelf didn’t touch it, so it was with much anticipation that I awaited a home visit from the Doctor on Tuesday (which took much persuasion – ‘you’re 29 and you want a home visit?’). He obliged and some strong drugs were mine. 3 days later and I am now able to walk around the house, even if it is a bit of a hobble sometimes.

But I need to recover and recover quite quickly, at the end of August I’m flying to California for a week for work. Then the following week we go to New Zealand for 3 weeks and on return from that trip I have another California trip for work in mid October. An achy back is not what I need and I shall be visiting the doctor next week to start getting some treatment whatever that consists of.

Bracken did make up for it though by keeping me company in my spot on the floor.



  1. Oh no hope ur better for the Game Fair!

  2. I know how you feel. I did my back in during a kettlebell session. Had to get taken to a&e via ambulance, with gas and air just to get me off my bed. Felt like a right tool. Turned out to be muscular which required a few weeks of physio. If yours is muscular you really should do physio, either NHS or free. It’s the only way you’ll clear the imbalances in muscle that will have developed since the injury.

    Minus your pain, very entertaining read 🙂

    • It really is a horrible feeling isn’t it? Knowing that even a small movement will set off another spasm. Agree on the physio, that’s on the list for next week. Thanks for reading 🙂

  3. Oops. Watch yourself, grandad. Next thing you know you’ll be wearing slippers and smoking a pipe… It all starts with a bad back… 😉

    Hope you feel better soon!

  4. Feeling your pain, Ben. My dad had a heavy manual job, lifting machinery etc etc, but it was getting out of bed one morning that did for him. Had to take a year off work lying on his back on a board. It’s the little things that kill us. Hope you get better and fit enough in time for your flight.

    • Thanks, bit better now, but still some painful moments – like when the bus driver decides to brake heavily. I think what gets me the most is going from being fit and healthy running every day to this.

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