Mutterings of a Fool

Man, Dad, Runner, Chief dog walker

Tag: willies

Boys are disgusting

As both a man and a dad to sons I feel I am extremely qualified to say this; boys are disgusting. Disgusting and willy obsessed. I feel like I should know this already given that I was a boy myself at some point in the distant past but it still comes as a surprise seeing your 1 year old laughing as he plays with his willy.

I seem to remember Henry being a similar age when he realised that he could grab his willy whenever his nappy was off and it felt quite nice/funny to play with. Now we’re regularly find Rupert sat in the bath taking a break from attempting to cover the whole floor with water and instead having a little play. Clearly there is some basic male human instinct that tells us playing with our willies is a good thing, I’d love to know if boys 100 or 200 years ago were the same, or were they too busy working in factories or helping fight wars?

I had assumed boys and their willies would be an issue in the teenage years but it seems not. Last week I found Henry stood in the kitchen with his hands down his trousers. I told him to stop playing with his willy and his response was ‘I’m not playing with my willy I’m playing with my testes’, not really much you can say to that is there? (we’ve gone with a formal term because quite honestly ‘balls’ just sounds a bit disgusting).

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Discussing willies with a toddler

“I like your willy daddy”

Not quite the conversation I was expecting to have with Matilda when I came out the shower but as a modern man I’m not uncomfortable discussing these things, they are perfectly natural after all.

So I replied with a ‘thank you’ and started to get dressed.

“Henry has a willy too daddy”

“Yes, yes he does, that’s because he’s a boy”

“I don’t have a willy”

(can you see we’re a bit obsessed with willies at the moment and what makes boys and girls different?)

“Do you not Matilda? Is that because you are a girl like mummy?”

“Yeeeessss” *starts inspecting her bunny* (to be clear I’m talking about a toy bunny here, this isn’t our name for her lady bits)

“Bunny doesn’t have a willy either”

“No? Is that because she’s a girl”

“Yes, she does have a bum though”

Is this what it feels like to home school your children? Modern man I may be but this is beginning to stretch my natural English resistance to discussing things ‘down there’. I can feel the sweat beginning to form on my brow, I was not prepared for this conversation so young and definitely not when feeling a little exposed wearing just my boxer shorts. So I decide distraction is the solution to avoid going any further down this path.

“shall we go and watch Postman Pat”