Mutterings of a Fool

Man, Dad, Runner, Chief dog walker

Reflections

This is the first time I’ve logged into my blog in almost 2 months let alone written anything, the first time I’ve had both the time and the head space to be able to get some thoughts down in a remotely articulate way. It’s been a busy time; work has been tough, a busy time of the year and I’ve been trying to secure a job change that I’ve been working towards for a while, family life with 3 children and the daily school run routine is always hectic and I’ve been trying to build up my running before my first race of 2016. Combine all that with the festive season and everything that it entails it’s probably no surprise blogging hasn’t been on my radar.

But I do want to take a moment to mark the passing from one year into the next, New Years day is such an arbitrary moment in time, not really different to any other day yet still feeling like a great big reinforced oak door has shut on the prior year consigning to history everything that happened. I don’t do resolutions but I do like to take the time to reflect and remember rather than just hurry into the next year on the conveyor belt of life.

A year ago, we’ve changed quite a bit!

2015 was a tough year, possibly toughest yet of my life. It was a year of very little sleep, I don’t think Rupert slept for more than 4 hours in a row until the final 2 weeks of the year. Much of the year passed in a blur of just surviving and getting through each day, the long to do list of jobs at home remains undone even today. Thankfully we seem to have cracked his sleeping just before Christmas and now get a normal sleep most nights but I think we probably averaged less than 5 hours sleep for the rest of the year.

Last year was also the year that we said goodbye to the lady of the manors mum after a long fight with cancer. Nothing, absolutely nothing can prepare you for watching someone you love lose their fight to a disease like this and to see what it does to a person. There has been anger and grief of course but harder than that is starting to figure out how the hell you keep moving forward with life with this great big hole in it. She was an amazing woman who was the center point of the family like many mums are, so there has been lots of figuring out how relationships work now. You’ve also never met anyone who loved being a nanna more than her and that hurts. Completely unfair that she only got to be one for such a short time and doesn’t get to see her grandchildren grow up. Matilda has been really affected by losing her nanna, they were very close and also I think she’s just old enough to properly understand so we’ve spent a lot of time talking to her about it and why people die. It hits her the most whenever we see pops because it reminds her what’s happened but she also gets upset when we leave my parents, I guess worried she may lose them too. Tough things for a 4 year old to process.

But there has been some sunshine in the year too; Matilda started school and loves it, she’s so excited and interested in learning it’s fascinating to watch her beginning to read and write. Rupert is now walking and beginning to talk, his character is really coming out and he’s such a cheeky little boy and I’m sure the loudest 1 year old in the world. Amazing how within a few weeks of learning to walk they look and behave like a completely different child.

We also had a fabulous holiday near Padstow in April with glorious weather and a week of simple family fun on the beach, eating ice creams and fish and chips and visiting the Eden Project. So good that we’ve already booked to go back to the same caravan in April this year.

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Then in August we went to CarFest, the first festival experience for all of us and again we’ve booked to go back in August this year. Even with 3 small children it was so much fun, the kids love camping and this atmosphere there is perfect. Relaxed, lots to do and aside from the Boomtown Rats playing (who were dreadful) we couldn’t fault it.

For me there was the small matter of my first ever triathlon, not an easy thing to train for when you’re sleep deprived but I got there and looking back with my rose tinted pain free glasses it was great. I enjoyed cross training and not just running all the time even if fitting it all in was hard. I also love swimming in the lake, a pool never really excited me but heading out into the lake at 6am on a summers morning is fabulous. Now that I’m getting more sleep I’ve made big plans for 2016, 4 marathons in 4 days in Feb is the start, the rest of the year has another half ironman triathlon and a couple of marathons so far.

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The lady of the manor and I also made plans in 2015, big plans, the ‘5 year plan’ is now agreed and we’re making small steps towards it. Not surprising after the year we’ve had to be pondering the meaning of life but if we go through with it there will be big changes for us, we both agree changes most definitely for the better but scary all the same. Watch this space!

I would hope that 2016 has a very slim chance of being as tough as 2015 but who knows. For now I will leave you with a quote I heard recently which really resonated ‘be the hero in your story’, stop hoping someone will make your dreams come true and instead go out and make them happen. Cheesy I know however perhaps something many of us could do with remembering?

Thanks as ever for reading and happy New Year, hopefully 2016 might also see a little more blogging on my part!

Family photo at Dyrham park

1 Comment

  1. Keep blogging! I do like trying to keep up with you and your lovely family 🙂

    Happy New Year x

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