Mutterings of a Fool

Man, Dad, Runner, Chief dog walker

Darkness

Her eyes told me all I needed to know, no words were needed. We’ve been here before and I know what comes next, doesn’t make it any easier of course.

The thing that every parent-to-be knows is a risk but never expects to happen to them has happened. The thing that you soon realise has actually happened to most parents but is never talked about. A name never spoken unless in hushed tones.

But we should talk about it. Miscarriage is a bastard with a capital B. The darkest of days as a parent. Where once there was hope, expectation and excitement there is now nothing. A gaping hole where you expected your son or daughter to be but you’ll never know what they were like.

But it feels surreal, 3 weeks is only just enough time to start getting used to the idea of being a dad again, I don’t have that physical bond that the lady of the manor feels. I want to feel the loss and attachment, but it has to mostly come through her grieving and pain. If I can take the burden for some of that pain then I will in an instance of course but otherwise I feel a little lost.

You may have only been a few weeks old my teeny tiny boy (for the lady of the manor assures me you were a boy) but you were still ours and we shall live our lives wondering what might have been.

 

10 Comments

  1. Big man hugs dude. Horrible news.

  2. So sorry.
    I too have suffered a miscarriage, so can totally empathise.
    Hugs to you both x

  3. Ben, I’m so sorry to hear this. It is something many of us have experienced and understand the loss and pain and all those crappy thoughts and feelings that swirl through your head. I hope you and your lovely wife still have a special Christmas treasuring those gorgeous kiddies of yours and saying a special prayer for the little one lost.

    Xx

  4. Mate, I’m really sorry to hear this. We went through it too and it’s truly horrible. Big hugs to you all, there’s nothing more to say really.

  5. So sorry to read this Ben x

  6. So sorry to hear this. Can’t imagine what it feels like. Thoughts with the two of you

  7. You are so right that it is only when you tell people about it that you realise it has happened to many. I had 2 miscarriages between my first and 2nd and now have 3 healthy girls. Tough times – Talk, cry, hug and hope x

  8. sabrina montagnoli

    December 17, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    Really sorry to read this and hope you are able to find comfort at this time for you and your family. Thoughts are with you all.

  9. So sorry to hear this mate. It’s horrible news and I know that words can’t really say much at times like these. Big hugs from us all to all of you.

  10. Really sorry to hear your bad news. Thinking about you all

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