Mutterings of a Fool

Man, Dad, Runner, Chief dog walker

Frustration

Last week was tough, Matilda was sick and then teething, I was sick with a high fever one day and we had all the worry over Henry’s feeding. Now this week I’m back at work something I really haven’t been looking forward to.

In the last few days there has been something else though, something lurking that was making me grumpy and short tempered that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Then I realised what it was. Frustration.

Frustration at the tiredness a newborn brings to your life which stops you doing things, at how hard it makes it to plan or just get out the door.

Frustration at the never ending battle to keep the house in some sort of order. With Matilda having a tantrum if I put her down to try to do something or trying to climb into the dishwasher as I empty it.

Frustration at the feeling of sprinting to stand still, of not actually achieving anything other than surviving, of being back to square one with a new born after having got used to a 1 year old.

Frustration at almost 4 weeks of paternity leave passing and feeling that we haven’t done any of the things we planned or were on our to do list.

Frustration that I’m even feeling this way and not excited about being a dad again. What sort of idiot does that?

I know this will change and quickly, I know it’s not about what we haven’t done but rather what we have achieved. That having a beautiful healthy son putting on weight after 4 weeks is a huge achievement.

But this period I find hard, I did with Matilda also, the lack of interaction with him, that he won’t lie down on his own for long. You need to bond but don’t have that same relationship that a breast feeding mum does. Changing nappies is hardly the same is it? I don’t have that feeling a mum has that he’s part of her. The lady of the manor has had 9 months to bond, I get the time when he finally falls asleep after crying.

This week we start the next chapter in our family story, we have to find new routines now that I’m back at work. It’s going to be bloody hard, more so for the lady of the manor at home. But we just have to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. In a few months we’ll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

9 Comments

  1. Oh how I remember those early days – now I realise that I didn’t know how good we had it with just one under four year old in the house. At least when DD slept I could put my feet up for a while. This time around I know it will be a whole other kettle of fish. (And I don’t even WANT to put fish in our kettle – sorry baby brain!) Here’s to the perspective that time brings 😀

  2. Hang in there mate. Sounds fairly normal and I can sympathise somewhat as that’s how I dealt for quite some time, and that was without a second baby, so I can only imagine how much harder it’ll be.

    You’ll soon get into a routine and dont think you’re stupid feeling the way you do, it’s important we all get this out otherwise it festers. Blog blog blog!

  3. It IS hard – and I think often dads can be a little overlooked in the newborn days. That’s certainly how my husband felt anyway. At the time, it feels relentless, but you’ll know with Matilda, once it’s over it feels like it flew by. x

  4. I think it’s impressive that you have managed to still find time to write! Well done. The good thing is, as you have done it before, you know it really does get easier and as soon as he starts smiling and his personality starts to emerge, the bond will get stronger and stronger.

    Take care.
    J x

  5. You’ve completely taken me back to life with a newborn. I’m not looking forward to doing all that hard stuff again! Glad the feeding issues have been sorted. I won’t let my husband see this post. He’ll never want to have a second child!

  6. My babies have the same age difference as yours, I was just getting used to being a Mum of one and found out I was going to be a Mum of two… What? How am I going to cope was all that went through my head. I stopped BFeding 3 months before Mini came along. And nappies… wow all I did was wash nappies!

    The thing is you don’t realise that you can do it as you have learnt to be a Daddy. And don’t worry about not bonding, I called Mini “the ferret” for the first three months of his life. I knew it would take that long to bond. When he was born and we were in hospital all I wanted was Maxi.

    What I want to say is it will come, you will suddenly realise that everything has falling into place and you have a new routine. The fact you are frustrated is because you care and you love your family.

    Good luck & thanks for sharing, so brave.

    • thank you, really appreciate the comment. I’m hoping that getting Henry’s tongue tie sorted will help us get a bit more of a feed/sleep routine which will help. My mum has been reminding us that actually Matilda was just the same at this age, but you forget these things don’t you?

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