Mutterings of a Fool

Man, Dad, Runner, Chief dog walker

10 things I’ve learned since becoming a parent

Matilda may only be 6 weeks old, but you learn fast with babies don’t you? It’s either that or go insane. So here in no particular order are the top 10 things I’ve learnt so far.

  1. Babies are born with a 6th sense that tells them when you sit down to eat or drink a cup of tea so that they can cry at precisely the right moment.
  2. Whenever you plan to go out, think of the time it will take you to get ready and then double it. This is the time it will really take to get out the door.
  3. A baby knows when you have neither hands free and will take that opportunity to be sick all over your shoulder and not on the carefully placed muslin.
  4. The consistency of poo and other bowel related topics will become the main source of conversation during any mealtime.
  5. The ability to sniff a nappy and determine its contents is a talent to be admired.
  6. Your baby isn’t smiling at you, it’s going to the toilet and is amused at the thought of you cleaning it up shortly.
  7. The world record for shortest time a nappy is in use is 0.01 seconds, I know it’s my record.
  8. Looking after a baby is a team sport, but you have to remember to tag in and out, walking away from the field of play is frowned upon and punishable with a week of night shifts.
  9. Your children will get more presents than you, even on your birthday.
  10. After 6 weeks you can do anything with one hand, including tweeting, loading the dishwasher, watering the garden and putting the bins out.

So that’s my top 10, what did you learn when you became a parent?

1 Comment

  1. All very, very true indeed. Especially the one-handedness.

    Mine?
    * When they’re quiet, worry about what they’re doing.
    * Babies have a 7th sense that tells them when you’ve got to be up early/have something you need a good night’s sleep to prepare for. They know.
    * You can’t fob them off with the old remote control that doesn’t do anything.
    * My kid can beat yours in the nappy use record.
    * If they’ve not filled their nappy before you leave the house in the morning, you’ll find it when you’re fastening the car seat/pushchair.
    I’d do more but I’ve 5 to get breakfasted and out the door!

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